ITMFA

Click on the above image for more info. Hat Tip to Barb for this one!

Red State Riot

A crowd of thousands cheered Salt Lake City Mayor Rocky Anderson for calling President Bush a "dishonest, war-mongering, human-rights violating president" whose time in office would "rank as the worst presidency our nation has ever had to endure."

The group, including children and elderly and some hailing from throughout Utah, then marched to the federal building Wednesday to deliver a copy of a symbolic indictment against the president and Congress for abuse of power and failure to uphold the U.S. Constitution.

With their signs labeling Bush, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld the "axis of evil," calling the Iraq war a "mission of lies" or comparing the invasion of Iraq after Sept. 11, 2001, to invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor, the estimated 1,500 to 4,000 protesters hoped their demonstration at the Salt Lake City-County Building sent a message about the reddest state in the country.

"If they [the Bush administration] lack support in Utah, my God they're in trouble," the Rev. Tom Goldsmith of the First Unitarian Church of Salt Lake City told the lively gathering between protest songs and banner waving.

HAT TIP: Salt Lake Tribune

FOX takes a nosedive

Somewhere, Keith Olbermann is sticking pins in a Bill O'Reilly voodoo doll. . .according to TVNewser reports, the ratings for Fox News are down from August of 2005. Like, way down. Like down 28 percent in primetime among all viewers, down 20 percent in primetime in the "money demo" (viewers aged 25-54) and down 7 percent in daytime viewership overall. In fact, the only place Fox is up is during the day, when they managed a ratings increase of just 2%, and even then only in the money demo.

And lest you think this is an industry-wide trend, consider this: over the same time period, CNN and MSNBC's ratings are up. CNN is up 35% during the day (46%in the money demo) and up 21 percent in primetime overall (25%in the money demo). MSNBC's ratings increases aren't quite as impressive, up 6% in primetime overall( 8% in the money demo) and up 36% in the money demo during the day ( 26%overall).

It would appear that viewers in search or actual news on news channels, are turning to actual news channels for news these days. . .

Shut Up! SHUT Up!! SHUT UP!!!

(Sorry, I just couldn't resist. . .)

One year after Katrina

(Hat tip to MoveOn.org)

One year ago today Hurricane Katrina made landfall. For many of us, it was a moment of clarity: "this is what government looks like when it's run by people who don't believe in it."

A year later, dead bodies are still lying in abandoned homes, garbage has yet to be collected from New Orleans streets and countless residents have no home, temporary or permanent.

But instead of addressing the continuing disaster, the administration is on a public relations blitz to rewrite history. There are two things we can do together to help make sure that America remembers Katrina.

1. Watch "When the Levees Broke" on HBO. Spike Lee has put together a beautiful documentary that captures the full experience of Katrina in a gripping and powerful way—you don't want to miss it. It's screening on HBO tonight and all this month, and since a lot of folks who want to see it don't have HBO, ColorofChange is encouraging folks to watch together. If you can help someone who doesn't have HBO see it click here.

2. Write a letter to the editor. The administration's media tour is designed to whitewash the government's terrible response to this disaster. Let's not let them get away with it. The opinion pages are the most popular pages in the newspaper—if they're flooded with our letters, we can help shape public opinion.

Here are some points that should be covered:

Katrina shows that the Bush administration is unable to keep us safe. The failed response and the fact that things got as bad as they did in the days following Katrina showed all of us that 4 years after 9/11, the government still can't keep us safe.

Katrina reminds us that poverty in America is real. President Bush vowed then to learn from Katrina and renew a commitment to fight poverty in America. This is promise he has either broken or forgotten.

Katrina underscores the need for change in America. During Katrina, the people who needed the government most were the ones who were forgotten. As progressives, we believe we're all in this together. Katrina's aftermath was a terrible reminder of why that basic idea is so important.

As progressives, we don't believe in a sink or swim nation—we believe we're all in this together. And Katrina's a terrible reminder of why that basic idea is so important. Together, let's make sure it doesn't happen again.

World Alert Status

I thought you would all like to read the latest Alert Status Indicators from around the world.

The following update on terror in Europe was just released.

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised it's terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."


The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual.

So there you have it. It's good to stay abreast of these new systems.

Bloomington Blast?

Back in May of this year, I wrote about Divine Strake, a 700-ton ammonium nitrate and fuel oil bomb that was to be detonated near Las Vegas in June. Although the bomb itself is non-nuclear, there were concerns that it's detonation could possibly kick up radio-active debris from previous nuclear tests in that area. In addition, it would create shock waves that could be felt for over 35 miles. Ultimately, due to intense lobbying, the explosion was indefinately delayed.

I was relieved for the citizens of Nevada, as well as myself, since this explosion was due to be created just a few days before we were traveling to Vegas back in June. I certaintly wanted to come home with a healthy glow, but green just isn't one of my better colors. It turns out, however, that my relief was somewhat short-lived.

Although still under delay until sometime in 2007, it turns out that Mitchell Quarry near Bloomington, Indiana, is a possible new site for this "test". Smaller explosions have previously occurred there (In 2004 and 2005) as part of the military project named the "Tunnel Target Defeat Advanced Concept Technology Demonstration", or, in other words, "bunker buster", the idea behind the testing of Divine Strake.

Bloominton Peace Action Coalition member Timothy Baer beleives the military definately has designs on the quarry. Calling it "the largest conventional explosion ever", Baer expressed his grave concern over it's effect on the local ecosystem. "This explosion could harm the region's underlying cave system", he said. "It's likely going to do irreparable damage to karst topography".

I sincerely hope we never get to find out. And I urge Bloomington area residents to join Mayor Butch Chastain and 4th District Congressional candidate David Sanders in their fight against this project.

Tom Hayhurst's Healthcare Plan

(From Dr.Hayhurst's website)

Affordable Health Care

As a practicing critical-care physician in northeast Indiana for over three decades, I have spent my entire life on the front lines of health care, helping thousands of patients and their families through illnesses and back to good health.

When I saw people in need in my community, I cofounded a free pulmonary clinic. In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, I took my skills to Louisiana to ease the pain. When little was being done to save the inpatient beds at our regional Veterans Administration Hospital , I joined together with my fellow veterans and formed Veterans for Better Health Care to fight for those essential services.

Working to ensure the well-being of my patients has convinced me that every citizen of our great country deserves access to affordable health care. There is no excuse for inaction on this important issue. There is so much that can be done, and done now.

I propose simple, market-based solutions, not a massive federal bureaucracy. My health care platform is grounded in compassion and common sense.

When I am in the U.S. Congress, I will:

• Actively support federal government negotiation with drug companies to secure the highest-quality, lowest-cost medications for our over 41 million seniors on Medicare; too many forced to the make the unthinkable choice between their food and medicines.

• Champion laws supporting the importation of medications, protected by all appropriate Federal Drug Administration safeguards, from other countries.

• Promote plans allowing millions of working people to pool their buying power and gain access to the highest-quality, lowest-cost health care available.

• Advocate for the automatic enrollment of children of eligible, needy families in government-supported health insurance programs.

• Strive to guarantee that our veterans, those who put themselves on the line for freedom's sake, receive the same kind of medical care offered to any member of Congress – nothing less will do.

• Lead an investigation into the runaway costs associated with prescription drug advertising, so that more resources can be put into direct patient care.

Preserving life, sustaining it, bettering has been my calling. It's why I'm running for Congress. It's why I'm resolved that every citizen must have access to affordable health care.

HISTORIANS DEMOTE BUSH TO "DWARF PRESIDENT"

In a move heavily anticipated for the last five years, the National Academy of Historians has ratified what had been generally accepted knowledge, and officially demoted George W. Bush to status of “Dwarf President.”

Although Bush stands over six feet tall, both the microscopic size of his brain, and his total lack of any gravitas, immediately disqualified him from the definition of a full-fledged President.

As with Pluto, which has also been reduced to “dwarf status,” Bush has a relatively eccentric orbit, inclined to six degrees of separation from reality.

Also, in another parallel with Pluto, Bush orbits among various icy wrecks, including Iraq, New Orleans and the entire federal budget.

Some historians actually recommended that Bush be further downgraded to “satellite,” given his inability to break the gravitational pull of the Neo-Con Solar System, also known as Cheney Destroy-e-alis. Still others voted to designate him as a mere ass-teroid.

When informed that he had been accorded the same treatment as Pluto, Bush replied that he “appreciates that, since Pluto was always my favorite Disney character.”


Hat Tip to Satirical Political.

Updates

I will be reviewing and tweaking my template over the next few days. Today I have switched out the HUGE animated GIF header for the much smaller flash version. Hopefully the blog will load MUCH faster for you now. If the new header doesn't load for you, or you note any other problems, I'd greatly appreciate your input.

Thanks!

Florida Hurricane Season Notes:

This one's for B.Shilladay and Pissed Off Patricia:

(Sounds like Dave Barry, but I am not sure.)

Florida Hurricane Season Notes:

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanks- giving.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida. We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and...
(2) It is located in Nebraska. Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place.

EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida", you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean. Good luck, and remember:

It's great living in Paradise

Daniels on NPR

A "guest rant" by John Q. Public


(Tell me he didnt get his ass kicked in High School.)

NPR:
I heard Mitch (the b-i-t-c-h) Daniels, Indiana’s soon to be former Governor (if I have anything to do about it) on NPR this morning. He sang a Hank Williams song called “Major Moves” not only does he suck as a human being, I have a better fucking singing voice. His whole thing was about how it’s a good idea to sell off state resources for short term profit.

Now he ran as a business man, who was going to run this state just like a business. My guess is the voters of this state didn’t think it was going to be run like a hostile take-over and then watch while services were are privatized and toll roads sold off to foreign interests. Why in the fuck do they need to sell? If a company can come in and turn a hell of a profit, why cant this Business Minded Administration? Hell, MBAs are like small dicks at the statehouse, everybody has one.

Gonna Fly Now

Jazz trumpeter Maynard Ferguson, known for his soaring high notes as well as his hit recording of "Gonna Fly Now," from the "Rocky" movies, has died at the age of 78.

Ferguson died last night at Community Memorial Hospital in Ojai, California, of kidney and liver failure originating from an abdominal infection. Ferguson's four daughters, Kim, Lisa, Corby and Wilder, and other family members were at his side when he died.

Born in Montreal, Ferguson began playing piano and violin at age 4, taking up the trumpet at age 9, and soloed with the CBC Orchestra at 11. At the age of 15 he dropped out of school to pursue a career in music. He led his own dance band, and went on to front a number of big bands and smaller ensembles, eventually producing
more than 60 albums and earning three Grammy nominations.

Ferguson became identified with ear-piercing power and dizzying high notes that he was still able to play with precision. He was named Down Beat magazine's "trumpeter of the year" three times. Ferguson, who stood just 5 feet 9, credited yoga with enabling him to harness the full capacity of his lungs and routinely hit a double-high-C.

"My instrument is a thing of pleasure, and I play it only because I enjoy it," he once said. "The most important thing is doing what feels right for me."

As with many esteemed jazz players, mainstream success largely eluded Ferguson. But he scored a top 10 hit with his version of "Gonna Fly Now," and the single spawned a gold album and a Grammy nomination in 1978.

"I knew it was going to be a hit," he once said of the Bill Conti composition. "Sylvester Stallone was in the studio when we recorded it," punching a speed bag to the rhythm of the song."If you listen very close to the original recording, you can hear in the mix the sound of him hitting the small bag," Ferguson said.

Overuse of Marines continues

Faced with a shortage of volunteers, President Bush authorized the US Marine Corps to use "involuntary recall" to meet troop demands in Iraq and Afghanistan. The initial recall applies to approximately 2,500 Marines, but there is no cap on the number of troops that may eventually be required to return overseas.

Recalled troops will be drawn from the pool of Marines on Individual Ready Reserve, a military status held by those who have already fulfilled their four-year active duty requirement, but remain on contract with the Marines for an additional four years. There are approximately 59,000 Marines on Individual Ready Reserve.


These soldiers should never have had to go to Iraq in the first place. And face possibly not coming back. Or see their buddies blown up in front of them. Or lose part of their bodies. Or part of their mind. Or watch women and children die. Yet, they endured. And served with honor. Even though the cause was not honorable. They did their job without question in spite of that. Now Bush wants to send them back??

Let us not forget that victory in Iraq was achieved in Spring of '03. It was a conflict that would last six days, six weeks, doubtfully six months. Yet now, in Summer of '06, our glorious leader says that Iraq will not be "settled" under his watch. Now he wants to send battle-scarred young men and women, who have already served our country, back to Iraq for another chance to join the friends they lost during their first term of service. In a war that was declared "won" three years ago. In a country that had nothing to do with 9/11, and everything to do with corporate profits.

Nay, George. Leave our sons and daughters alone. Far too many have already paid the ultimate price for your corporatism and greed. Perhaps you can "outsource" some military from a foreign land. You DO seem to have a solid grasp of THAT concept. Perhaps foreign soldiers will be willing to die without good cause, and for one-third of what you have been paying our true American boys and girls. I'm surprised you haven't already presented this plan. . .

Hat Tip to HuffPost

USA Today/Gallup Poll

Here are the results of the just-completed polling from USA Today/Gallup. For what it's worth. . . Sorta explains why BushCo wants to keep everyone in a constant state of fear: It gets his numbers up into the 40's for a brief spell. Hmmm. . .as I recall. . ."Daddy" was at twice that number the year before Bill Clinton taught him a lesson on what resonates with the voting public. . .You remember. . .back in the days when we had honest elections and ballot-counting rather than the Supreme Court calling elections. . .and $28 barrels of oil, and scandals involving one blow job rather than 200 million Americans bending over and taking it again and again from this boy-king.

Come on. . .I know you remember that first balanced budget under the Clinton Administration, as well as welfare reform, sane environmental policies, and the reduction in the size of our federal government that occurred under the watch of Clinton and Gore. I know that you remember the first attack on the World Trade Center and that Bill Clinton put the perps of that attack in jail! Whereas Bush took his eye off of the ball, left Afghanistan to revert to Taliban control, never took the Saudis to task (most of the 9/11 terrorists hailed from there), and linked Iraq to the attack on New York.

I normally attempt to use some restraint on this blog, but my true feelings on this issue are as follows:

If YOU still beleive that Bush has done a fine job as our president, made America safer, and increased world opinion of us for the better, you've been drinking far too much "Rove Kool-Aid". Get a friggin' clue or remove yourself from the gene pool. . .

Good Friends?

The old saying goes "You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose". BZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Wrong! Or that's one hungry bird. . .

Mom

Today is the 5th anniversary of the loss of my Mom. I miss her dearly. How do you replace the unconditional love of your mother? Nobody else will ever love you the same way that she did. . .even the most perfect spouse can't fill the bill. Most people remember 9/11; for ME it was an event that occurred three weeks after I lost her and the security of her love for me. People in their 30's shouldn't lose their parents!

My parents were 40 (Mom) and 42 (Dad) when I entered their world. I'm 42 today, with three children, Derek (22), Samantha (6), and Sabrina (4). Derek and I never got much of a chance to know each other, but were fortunate enough to stay in touch over the years. My young daughters talk to everyone about their older brother. Hopefully I can still reach out to him, and involve him in our lives. . .

Time really DOES seem to fly as we age, and it's often difficult to remember all of the players in our busy little lives. . .I guess that's all a part of growing up. The things that seemed to take forever when we were kids now seem to speed by. And OUR kids have THEIR turn to wonder why we are so focused on our past.

We just hope that it all works out for the best for THEM. . .and that we'll still be around when they enter their 40's. . .

R.I.P. Joe Rosenthal

Joe Rosenthal, who photographed the U.S. Marines raising the flag on Iwo Jima, died yesterday, August 20, 2006 at the age of 94.



(LEFT:Rosenthal at the time of his famous picture & RIGHT:Rosenthal in recent years)

You Tell Me. . .

It's "Make your own caption" day again here at Left in Aboite. . .Amaze me!

Nashville Uprising

Bobby Braddock, longtime Nashville songwriter, recently lamented the conservatism of the country music industry that was demonstrated when Natalie Maines become a lightning rod for fury three years ago after saying she was ashamed that her band and President Bush shared the same home state. Braddock says his recent song, "Thou Shalt Not Kill", won't even receive any airplay.

Country music, with it's genre of lonely hearts and highways, lost jobs and blue-collar woes, has become a cultural battleground. Conservatism is widely seen as having the upper hand, a red-state answer to left-leaning Hollywood. “Something political will not get played on country radio unless it’s on the conservative side,” said Braddock. “If you show both sides, it’s not good enough. It’s got to be just on the right.”

Democrats on Music Row become increasingly frustrated with this reputation. A group of record-company executives, talent managers and artists have formed "Music Row Democrats" and released an online compilation of 20 songs that are directly critical of Bush and the Iraq "war". The set is priced at $20 with most proceeds going to support local and national candidates who share its values. While the group has no illusions that the songs will shoot up the charts, they hope to use them as fund-raisers and to change the image of country as strictly Republican music.

Bob Titley, former Brooks & Dunn manager and Music Row Democrats co-founder, hopes the music will be played at campaign rallies and by volunteers when out in the field. "When the volunteers are out on a hot day driving door to door, they can play it in their cars to keep themselves pumped up and in a good mood", he added.

In addition to Mr. Braddock’s “Thou Shalt Not Kill” and “Big Blue Ball of War” by Nanci Griffith, John Scott Sherrill contributed “You Let the Fox Run the Henhouse,” and former Vice President Al Gore speaks a few words at the end of “Al Gore,” which was written by Robert Ellis Orrall and includes the line, “President Gore lives on my street.”

Many of the contributing singers and songwriters are not household names outside Nashville, but their work has been recorded by big stars ranging from Toby Keith to LeAnn Rimes and Travis Tritt.

Darrell Scott contributed “Goodle U.S.A.” Faith Hill had recorded it under a different name and without the line “It’s like Joe McCarthy was our acting president.” Scott recently recorded a new song, “W Cheese,” in a basement studio at Famous Music on Music Row. “I’ve never thought of myself as very political,” he said. “It just seems like in the current environment even I have to write about it.” One verse ends, “They filled our plate with freedom fries, red, black and blue, white lies/And a helping, heaping, hating size of stinkin’ W cheese.”

Though Music Row occupies a small patch of Nashville, it looms large over the city’s culture. When Natalie Maines slammed Bush back in 2003, the reaction was fierce and swift.Country stations stopped playing the group’s songs. Talk-radio hosts urged listeners to complain about Ms. Maines’s remarks. And a Nashville audience of 18,000 booed the host of a music awards show who urged forgiveness.

None of that was lost on Music Row. Democratic songwriters say that it made them hesitate to express political views, for fear of being “Dixie Chicked.” Record company execs feared damage to the artists they represented if they spoke out. Luke Lewis, of Universal Music Group said “As outraged as I was at the whole thing, I couldn’t say anything, because I’d put artists that I’m associated with in jeopardy,”.

At the same time, the Republican Party’s use of country music at political events and the popularity of patriotic songs like Toby Keith’s (A lifelong Democrat, by the way) “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (the Angry American)” and Darryl Worley’s “Have You Forgotten?” rankled industry liberals. Thus began Music Row Democrats, started in late 2003 with a meeting of more than 20 label executives and songwriters. It says it now has 1,200 members from the Nashville music industry and 1,100 others.

When you have a war, people want you to be on one side or the other. Singer and songwriter Chely Wright has felt the heat of crossfire. Her song “Bumper of My S.U.V.,” about a confrontation over a Marine sticker on her vehicle, was praised from conservatives and scorned by liberals. Ms. Wright, a military daughter, says she has no allegiance to Democrats or Republicans.

She recently recorded “I Ain’t Gettin’ Any Younger,” which opens with, “The cost of crude keeps going up/More precious now than gold” and ends by asking “Why it makes somebody mad/That a baby named John Doe/Might get to have two loving dads.”

Ms. Wright said: “When one does say anything less than, ‘Ooh baby, ooh baby, I love you,’ in a song, in my format, out of this town, you really put yourself out there as a bit of a lightning rod. I can’t have those fears.”

Today's Suicide Bomber

Wal-Mart voters desert Bush

As reported by Zogby today:

President Bush’s job approval rating dipped two points in the last three weeks, despite the foiling of an airline terror plot and the adoption of a cease–fire deal between Israel and Hezbollah forces in Lebanon, a new Zogby International telephone poll shows.

The survey was conducted Aug. 11–15, 2006, included 1,018 respondents, and carries a margin of error of +/– 3.1 percentage points.

The numbers continue to reflect erosion in the President’s political base – just 62% of Republicans give him positive marks for his job performance, while 38% give him negative marks. Even among weekly WalMart shoppers – a demographic group identified by Pollster John Zogby as a critical support group for Bush – just 45% now give him positive job marks, though his numbers among those shoppers have improved 10 points since early June.

More than three out of four – 76% – of weekly WalMart shoppers voted for Bush over Democrat John Kerry in the 2004 presidential election, earlier Zogby polling showed.

Among both conservatives and those who consider themselves very conservative, 59% give him positive marks, while 41% in each group gave him a negative job rating.

One third of respondents – 34% – said that, overall, the nation is headed in the right direction, while 59% said they think things are off on the wrong track.

Pollster John Zogby: “President Bush’s numbers mainly reflect the country’s thinking on the war in Iraq, and most people have made up their minds that the war overall has not been worth the loss of American lives. Terrorism is an important issue to Americans, but when it comes to judging Bush’s presidency, their decision is based largely on Iraq.”

Democrats continue to carry a lead into the fall campaign season on the generic congressional election question. Likely voters in the poll, asked whether they planned to vote for the Democrat or the Republican in their local congressional election, 39% favored Democrats, while 31% said they would be voting for the Republican candidate. Democrats also are winning the battle among independents, who favor the out–of–power party by a 32% to 20% margin, with 41% of independents yet undecided.

Asked if the war in Iraq has been worth the loss of American lives, 38% said “yes,” while 56% said “no,” a ratio that has held steady over the past year or so.

Management Lesson

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office but she belonged to someone else.
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said: "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have you" but the girl said "NO!".
Johnny said, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up.
"She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down." She agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She blurted out, "The son of a bitch used coins!"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to its terms and getting screwed.

Points to Ponder

Birds of a feather flock together. Usually near the car wash so they can group-crap on my car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. I always feel better right away.

A penny saved is a government oversight. There hasn't been any government oversight for the last six years, however.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. I'm still working on this one.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. And beer, as well as being a great source of Vitamin P, is an excellent source of "beer gut enzyme". I look like a lower case "b" stacked on top of a lower case"r". . .

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. I have approximately 517 "smart" remote controls.

He who hesitates is probably right. He who is "right" is probably wrong. Thus, I never hesitate. . .

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL.". I seem to be a "37". . .

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. Consider yourself fortunate.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. I don't think I've ever seen Bush without some sort of wierd smile on his mug. . .

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. This can backfire if you pick long names for your kids.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs". In case you forget that, they will remind you. . .

The wife said that my spending $25 a week on beer wasn't in our budget, but she spent $60 on cosmetics. She said it was to make herself attractive for me. I told her that's what the beer was for. I don't think she's coming back.

Bush Operation

Yank out yucky Cabinet officials. Win a year of yummy dessert. What could be more fun? I received this in my e-mail today - Enjoy! Dear John, President Bush has been very busy removing various tumors, malignant growths and vestigial organs from his governing body. But he needs your help to finish the job. So do your patriotic duty, but please be quick about it. The ship of state is sinking fast. If you are the quickest to finish the game this week, you WIN A YEARS SUPPLY OF BEN AND JERRY'S ICE CREAM. And if you pass this along to a friend you'll enter the weekly drawing for a 1/2 year's worth of ice cream, even if your score is lame. http://www.truemajorityaction.org/operation Here's what other TrueMajorityACTION members are saying about the game: "This is the coolest game ever" "Well why not! We might as well have some fun, what with all the awfulness!" "I was laughing too hard to 'operate' correctly!"

Talking Points

The GOP is infamous for it's use of "talking points". They all speak in unity, and spout the same lines over and over on their vast network of television and talk radio outlets. For many Americans, who have no other news sources, this is all the information that they get. People are busy. Busy with their jobs, their family activities, favorite tv shows or the distraction of the day (often one of those talking points).

Thanks to well-meant but mis-guided telecommunications laws enacted in the last decade, we can't do much about Clear Channel's control of the airwaves. They have the money, they have the power, and they have ownership. Air America is THE sole countering voice to these people, and I hope that you are in a market where they can afford to be on the air. If not, I hope you can contribute to their efforts to reach out to America with the other side of the story, the "spin-free" zone if you will. I live in a blood red state that hasn't a single Air America affilliate station that I am aware of. I hopped on the XM bandwagon back in 2004 just to hear these guys, but there's alot more on XM. Something for absolutely everyone. And, in case you thought it to be expensive, I paid $50 for my last receiver at Sears and my monthly charge for service is around $10. It's WELL worth your time to look into. I sort of got off into a side-rant there, but I want everyone to know just how affordable XM is, and how satisfying it is to hear talk radio that represents our views.

The original point that I was going to make is this; we can't control the media when it comes to television and radio, unless, of course, we create a reportable event. But we CAN use our own "talking points". . .in letters to the editor, in our blogs, in our daily conversations with our neighbors and co-workers and others whom we interact with during the day. The difference between us and the GOP Kool-Aid drinkers is that most of US can elaborate on OUR talking points, rather than just shouting the same phrases over and over and trying to drown out those who disagree.

I have a co-worker friend who is was a registered Republican. I didn't set out to convert him, just talked to him during our daily morning routine. He decided that he was actually a Democrat after our discussions. These are the sort of interactions that many of us miss out upon. People don't want to be clubbed over the head, would you? But a few minutes discussing the issues informally can really make a difference. This approach sort of follows the teaching of Christ. Yeah, I know . . .I'm not a real religious sort of guy, but the paralell is there nonetheless.

In politics or Christianity in it's true form, one shares their views with others by relating their common thoughts, ideas, and experiences without forcefullness or condemnation of differing views. In a recent post about state-sanctioned license plates bearing the logo "In God we trust", I was "consigned to hell" by a supposedly Christian reader. A "true Christian" friend of mine, Coff, defended me against this attack here and on her own blog. As she stated, "We disagree on this issue, as I knew we would. But our friendship remains." Wow. . .I got sucked into yet another side-rant there, in the same post, no less! Anyways, here are some PROGRESSIVE TALKING POINTS that you should be utilizing in your letters to the editor of your local papers and calls to the local wingnut talk-radio staions:

Five years after 9/11, the Bush administration has failed to keep us safe.

The war in Iraq has diverted attention from protecting America from terrorism. This past week 9/11 commissioners said Iraq is distracting from security at home.

The war in Iraq has inflamed the whole Middle East and is helping Al Qaeda attract new recruits.

Osama Bin Laden is still on the loose.

Katrina showed all of us that the Republicans aren't able to protect America at home.

The Republican Congress hasn't followed through on the recommendations of the 9/11 Commission.

Republican political attacks during last week's terror threat are outrageous.

Unlike the wingnut drones, I beleive that YOU can present the facts behind these statements. . .

Some Announcements

Wow. . .that may possibly be the most bland and generic title for a post that I have ever seen. Anyway, on to the actual details of said title. . .

First up: For those of you who are local readers, I have teamed up with Robert Rouse from "Left of Centrist" to bring you "Fort Wayne Left", a blog centered solely on the local political scene from the progressive view. This idea was born some time ago, the web address was reserved last month, and we have started actively posting as of last Wednesday. We still have work to do on the template and some other tweaking (Not enough hands for all of our combined projects), but are comfortable with the clean look of the site for now. For my many blogger friends from out of state, I hope you will enjoy seeing a rawer version of my writing style. The gloves come off, and I write purely from scratch.

Secondly: DARN him for stealing our thunder, but we're very excited to see him make the leap! Kevin Knuth (Allen County Democratic Chair) has started a blog for the local Democratic Party. The new blog will be user-interactive, whereas the original website was not. The original homepage will remain as a "static" site with links and contact information, while the new weblog will offer up fresher comment and opinion. I'm excited to see our local party join the blogosphere, and welcome Kevin to our online community.

Last, but certainly not least, Robert (who apparently watches far too many episodes of "While You Were Out"), has completely reformatted Left of Centrist! I never cease to be amazed at what this guy can create with Flash. . .I know that you will enjoy his new "true blue" look. I've known Robert for several years, and he was my "blog mentor". Love or hate him accordingly. ;) He's extremely talented; give him an idea and he runs with it. My blog header is a prime example of that statement. Hopefully you'll see more of his work over at Fort Wayne Left. . . ;)

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

1.- A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

2.- If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

3.- Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

4.- Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

5.- For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a three minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

6.- Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the headache.


Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools:
WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. When all else fails, toss down a good shot of whiskey and take a nap.

Remember:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

ImpeachBush.com

These people are actively working to right what is wrong in our country today. I hope that you will join me in supporting their cause:

Deliverance from STUPIDITY!


A big thank you to Chuck for finding these guys!

The Independent Candidate

In his nationally televised concession speech after his loss Ned Lamont this week, Joe Lieberman announced his intention to run as an independent and appealed for support and campaign contributions. A new Zogby Interactive poll shows he shouldn't waste too much time waiting by the mailbox.


An overwhelming 79% of Democrats nationwide said they are glad that the three-term senator was defeated by Lamont's powerful anti-Iraq war campaign. They also said Lamont's victory over one of the few pro-war Democrats in Washington makes them optimistic they can win control of at least one of the two houses of Congress in November.

The survey also highlighted what Democrats across the country said they want to hear from their candidates. . .a resolute opposition to the war. 78% of Democrats said they want candidates who oppose the conflict while just 6% said they think their Democratic candidates should support the war. Another 13% said they want their candidates to take a middling stance somewhere between support and opposition.

While Republicans may have used the war for political success in 2002 and 2004, Democrats are ready for their turn at the plate this November, and the defeat of Lieberman is the first step. . . 62% said they believe the Connecticut primary results will hold national implications for the fall elections.A full 70% said they think the Lamont victory makes the Democratic Party stronger heading into the important election season.

Until this week, Democrats had mostly failed to define themselves in this midterm election, but the Lamont victory may be a turning point for them. Their collective voice is now loud and clear.

Opposition to the war is creating a unity in the Democratic Party, and the Lamont candidacy both fed off and grew that unity. Lieberman also helped unify the Democrats . . . an overwhelming majority (71%) said they were unhappy with his decision to run as an independent in the November general election.

Which means there aren't many Democrats left to write support letters to Joe, let alone checks.

Kraska's rant on "God tags"

From Indiana resident and KOS contributor Paddy Kraska:

Fri Aug 11, 2006 at 11:18:44 AM PDT

Now, I'm gonna try and be coherent about this, but I'm not sure I can.

THIS IS INSANE.... and I can explain exactly why.

Now that I'm done screaming, the dogs have slunk out of the room and the shaking in my hands has subsided, I need to tell you something.

INDIANA IS IN THE HANDS OF FUCKING LUNATICS*!!!!

Let's set aside (for the moment) the obvious blurring of church and state on this purty liscence plate.

These are headlines from articles from the South Bend Tribune for JUST THE PAST 7 DAYS....

BMV computer problems delay tax distribution

BMV form letter arrives instead of license renewal

Daniels apologizes for BMV problems

It's been going on since Mitch Daniels became our Governor.

He closed branches,

NEWS

Proposed BMV closings under scrutiny

Indiana - The Indiana BMV's proposed branch closings are coming under scrutiny.

On Thursday a group of state lawmakers is expected to form a study committee to review the Bureau of Motor Vehicles decisions and plans.

The BMV's Commissioner has decided to close nine branches and place 24 more under review. Four branches being considered for closing are in Michiana including Walkerton, North Judson, Syracuse and Chesterton.

hired an controversial director,

If we were in a firing mood ...

OUR OPINION

(Opinion: 2006/07/27)

$32 million computer upgrade at the Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles has been enough to drive anyone around the bend. Democrats are so annoyed that they're getting up a petition asking Gov. Mitch Daniels to pull BMV Commissioner Joel Silverman's ticket over the whole mess.

and they installed a new computer system WITHOUT ADEQUATE TESTING OR PROPER BACKUP.

The state has its hands full fixing problems that arose a month ago when the Bureau of Motor Vehicles activated a new $35 million computer system. An outside expert looked at how the conversion is going and said problems can happen when the data is bad or the computer system is asked to do something it's not designed to do. Both are possible here.

Of fucking course, the new system crashed. And we ALL know

that this design probably cost a pretty penny, no doubt paid to some R crony Ad company out of state.

Now pay close attention to this, it's kinda like the "How many faces can you spot in this picture" thingie from Close-Ups. How many problems can you spot in this article?

New Indiana license plate design released

'In God We Trust' to be available Jan. 1.

INDIANAPOLIS (AP) -- A new state license plate will feature the American flag and the words "In God We Trust" on a blue background, the Bureau of Motor Vehicles officials announced Thursday.

The final design for the new plate, which will be available next year, was chosen from four possible options, including designs that featured the state flag or Statehouse.

The General Assembly passed a bill to create the plate during this year's legislative session. Drivers who want the plate do not have to pay an extra fee, and the plate is not technically a specialty tag.

"We are pleased with the design of this plate and expect it to be very popular with our customers," BMV Commissioner Joel Silverman said.

Okay, so I made it a little easier.

So, in effect it's actually an ALTERNATIVE tag to the regular one you also don't have to pay extra for.

What if I don't want the "In GOD We Trust" tag, say the blue clashes with my vehicle.

Am I not PATRIOTIC?

Do I not BELIEVE in God?

Or is it I just don't TRUST God?

Scenario

Potential Employer- "Saw you drive in. Did the BMV run out of those new "IN GOD WE TRUST" tags?"

Me- "Nope"

Employer-"Oh"

The state has more troubles than you shake a forest of sticks at, and the LEGISLATURE takes TIME to debate and PASS a BILL for this SHIT!!!!

I'm sure there is nothing retroactively that I can do about this, but you can bet your ass that this pandering piece of propaganda has just fired the hell outa me, and some of my so called "Legislators" are going to be very tired of hearing from me. It's a promise.

The Daily Show in Fort Wayne

Today's Quote

President Bush told reporters Tuesday that Condi Rice is handling all phone calls to U.S. allies and brokering the Lebanon cease-fire. He's kicking back in the easy chair while Condi does all the work. And people say he's not really a Southerner.

- Argus Hamilton

The end of Joementum

Lieberman/Lamont Race

A great big hat-tip to Marie for this one! The link below will show you updated totals on the Liberman/Lamont race as the totals come in:

HARTFORD COURANT

Today's Quote

"In a speech yesterday, President Bush told the Iraqi people to 'get governin'. Then he introduced his new speech writer, Larry the Cable Guy."

- Conan O'Brien

GOP Bid on Wages, Estate Tax Is Blocked

Senate Democrats successfully blocked the Republican bid to combine a tax cut for the wealthy with a wage increase for the working poor last night, adding a volatile economic issue to this fall's congressional campaigns.The GOP leadership fell three votes short of the 60 needed to cut off debate and bring the package to the Senate floor, where it was certain to pass on a simple-majority vote. The official Senate tally was 56 to 42 in favor.

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist initially supported the package but switched his vote. Republicans Chafee (R.I.) and Voinovich (Ohio) joined one independent and 38 Democrats in opposing the bill by backing the filibuster. Four Democrats and 52 Republicans signaled their support for the bill by voting to limit debate.

Republicans contend that most Americans support the bill's call for an increase in the minimum wage and deep cuts in the estate tax. Well. . .they're half right.The wealthiest Americans have already received more than enough breaks from BushCo and it's lock-step GOP Congress. Voters see the Republican bill as a ploy to further enrich upper-income families while trying to usurp the Democrats' role as champions of the working poor. Under the bill, "8,100 of the wealthiest Americans would hit the jackpot, while millions of working families would get $800 billion in [federal] debt," said Minority Leader Harry Reid.

In case you've been living under a rock somewhere, here's a brief synopsis of this situation:The Republican Congress has long wanted to eliminate or slash the taxes levied on estates left by wealthy people, but the Senate has repeatedly refused. Hoping to attract enough Democratic support, House leaders last week added some sweeteners: the first increase in the federal minimum wage in nine years, plus an extension of several popular tax breaks for businesses. The House passed the measure and tossed it over to the Senate for a vote before adjournment this weekend for the August break.

Frist agreed to the deal in the hope that Democrats could not resist a chance to raise the minimum wage from $5.15 to $7.25 in three phases.But the bill would also have exempted from taxation all estates worth as much as $5 million (or$10M for a married couple) and applied a 15 percent tax rate to inheritances above that threshold and up to $25 million. The value of estates exceeding $25 million would have been taxed at 30 percent.

Most Democrats support raising the minimum wage and oppose cutting the estate tax,while most Republicans take the opposite view, although some from both parties support both proposals. Democrats said they will keep pushing to raise the minimum wage with no strings attached. Republicans had practically dared Democrats to vote against the package with the minimum-wage increase. All but four Senate Democrats took the dare, heeding Reid's plea to deny Frist a victory as lawmakers go home to campaign, and expressed confidence that voters will see through the cynical effort to help wealthy GOP supporters by making the estate tax cut the price for a wage increase that the nation's lowest-paid workers so dearly deserve.

Rejecting the measure will be easy to explain "when you have all of labor saying they don't like it," said Senator Menendez (D-N.J.), who is campaigning to keep his seat in November. "It comes down to taking care of a lot of wealthy people" whose estate tax reductions would have prompted reductions in social spending. By one estimate, the plan would have lowered federal tax revenue by $268 billion over 10 years.

AFSCME president Gerald W. McEntee said, "This was a transparent attempt to dangle a minimum-wage increase for families struggling to make ends meet to secure yet another Texas-size tax handout for the wealthiest."

Talk also centered on the impact of the minimum-wage proposal on people in seven states who work mostly for tips. In 43 states, workers who receive tips can be paid as little as $2.13 an hour, provided that their tips bring them to at least the minimum-wage level. But seven states allow no such exemption. California, for example, requires a minimum wage of $6.75 an hour for all workers, including bartenders and waitresses. Senators differed on whether the bill would force these states to drop their protection of tip-earners. Memos offered by various state and federal agencies did not resolve the question and Democratic leaders insist that those seven states' laws would be overridden.

"Under the Republican bill, Paris Hilton and her family will get $250 million, while the tipped workers in their hotels will lose up to $5.50 an hour," said Sen. Edward Kennedy . The seven states include Washington, whose Democratic senators (Maria Cantwell and Patty Murray) were among those Frist had hoped to win to his side. But they cited the tips issue in announcing their opposition to the bill.

Sen. Mark Pryor (D-Ark.), whom Frist had unsuccessfully wooed, said "I want to raise the minimum wage but not if it means such a deep cut in the estate tax. I cannot ignore our $300 billion deficit, and the ongoing costs to support the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and reconstruction in the Gulf Coast".

Baking Cookies

I'm telling ya, it was hot here in the midwest last week. . .

Report from Jerusalem

In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion, she approached him for an interview.

"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a f*#kin' wall."

Bush's Resume

Please check out this updated version of Bush's resume. Several forms of this have floated around over the years; this one is pretty thorough, and Chuck adds his own entries at the end. I know you'll enjoy this!

Today's Highlights

• Oklahoma swings back toward the Dem's column with Riley's defection.


• Connecticut voters turn hard against Lieberman.


• Colas eradicate human parasites? Umm. . .


• Carter puts a fork in Bush; he's done.


• Karl Rove's "October Surprise".
  

Headlines from the year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

The Atheist and the bear

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.  As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God.... !" Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying:  "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light and said:  "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:  "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen. "

Today's Quote

"The dangerous patriot...drifts into chauvinism and exhibits blind enthusiasm for military actions."

- Colonel James A. Donovan, Marine Corps

More on Diebold hacking

Here's an actual "how to" video, courtesy of HuffPost. This should be funny, but I don't seem to be laughing. . .

The Daily Show does Fort Wayne

Most of us locals are already aware of this, but for the benefit of those of you in other states, be sure to check out The Daily Show on Comedy Central tonight (08/03) at 11 pm. As part of the investigation into why Indiana has 8,591 potential terrorism sites, the Daily Show's Dan Bakkedahl was dispatched to investigate one such sight right here in the Summit City, Roller Dome North. The segment was taped here on July 21st and officially airs tonight.

Daily show segments are often cut and reshaped at the last possible minute, so it's impossible to guess what we may see tonight. It could be anything from a five-second sound bite to the full interview, but will likely fall somewhere in between. The Roller Dome has been a Fort Wayne favorite for many decades.

New Political Correctness

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS. And furthermore ....

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER. "

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALL YHORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

George Carlin would be so proud if he chanced upon this post!

Today's Quote

"Democracy dies behind closed doors". - Unknown

The "Diebold Maneuver"

Kvatch nails it once again! Click on the picture below to read the latest about our favorite election thrower:



More on this from Dusty.

Hot in the City

It was a hot one out here in Aboite today! This is an actual photo taken inside my vehicle today at 1 PM:

"Welcome. . .You've got death"

Monster.com founder Jeff Taylor launched Eons.com on Monday. This site, much like MySpace for the 50+ aged crowd, comes complete with an online obituary database that sends out alerts when someone you may know dies. The alert system can be set for a particular area of the country, or through pre-defined keywords such as company or school names. Future plans include a do-it-yourself funeral service. Current content includes interactive games to build brain strength, news on entertainment and hobbies for older people, and a personalized longevity calculatoras well as tips for longevity.

It also has a nationwide database of obituaries dating back to the 1930s to which people can add photos, comments and even videos. Taylor sees online obituaries as replacing the traditional death announcements in newspapers. Many people no longer live where they grew up, so the idea of a rich story about someone's life in a local newspaper is often lost. His idea is to fill that particular void,and give the estimated 77 million baby boomers greater input into their own funerals. This prompted Eons.com to look into a service where people could plan for their favorite songs to be played at their funeral and where friends and family can go afterward for food and drink.

Taylor, who is only 45 and quit Monster.com last year, said Eons.com's main focus was not death but celebrating turning the Big 5-0 and living the grandest life possible. The need for Eons.com was apparent as about 44 million of the 86 million Americans aged over 50 are online, but only a few use social networking sites. This is also a wealthy group, controlling about 67 percent of the nation's wealth and with plenty of time ahead. "We now live about 20 years longer than our grandparents," said Taylor. "These are people who want to spend money to save time rather then spend their time trying to save money."